The Knowledge Pain by Shannon Guy

They say that knowledge is freedom or that knowledge will bring about freedom. In my mind, that is the furthest thing from the truth. In my world, according to my view and my experiences, the more knowledge that I attain, the more I feel pain. The pain is not like a headache that you can just take a motrin or advil. No, the pain is more like a torturous one. Like that of a vise crushing the skull. Or that of a pair of skinny jeans on a person that is morbidly obese. Just not a comfortable feeling. But the pain, I have learned to deal with. It is the fact that I feel this pain that is torture. The fact that the pain comes from my gain of knowledge makes it all the more worse. The pain is intensified when the reality hits that most of my people (my immediate people) have not attained what I have. And what sustains the pain is the frustration that most of my people don’t care to have the knowledge in the first place. And once they are provided with the knowledge treats it as if it were a joke or as if they had never learned it at all. And all I hear in my dreams is “It’s just FB” or “You can’t change everybody”. These are the very things that keep me from sleeping. The tossing and turning sometimes becomes unbearable. The lack of support from my immediate people is what turns this from a headache to a migraine. I do not wish to leave anyone behind in my mission to do Allah’s will (whatever he designed me to do), however, those that are asleep will perish. I just don’t want it to be on my watch, during my time, while I am here to give what knowledge Allah has put upon me. But I do believe my pain comes from a selfish part of me. This part of me that is selfish wants me to do everything in my power to give everyone that is around me, apart of me, or of me the same knowledge that was bestowed upon me. Even if that knowledge spurs some type of radical movement, I want to be the one that Allah uses. Selfish, yes, wrong in my thinking, possibly. At any rate, the medicine that I use to rid myself of this pain is, surprisingly enough, more knowledge. For as I am receiving this knowledge, I feel no pain. While Allah has me submerged in whatever endeavor or book or article, I feel no pain. While I am typing to share what Allah has given me, my pain is nowhere in sight. While I am engaged in a light hearted debate, no pain or misery touches me (Alhumdu Allah). With Allah’s will, the pain will continue. However, the strength that I get when the pain is gone, overshadows those thoughts of doubt, fear and frustration. For Allah will truly be my guidance when I am passing out what I have received. Allah says that we should give freely out of what he has provided. Well, I don’t have much money so I take my duty as an educator very seriously. Although, I am not a teacher, I pride myself on being able to provide my people with as much information and knowledge as possible. So the term no pain, no gain rings true in so many ways with me. May Allah ease the pain of learning and sharing. Insha Allah

By: Shannon Guy